I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
