Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
