its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
