Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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