chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
