Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
