We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
