On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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