at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
