I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
