I hate your face
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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