I must be too annoying 4 u.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
