Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
