Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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