She said her name was "party"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
