i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
