just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
