I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
that may or may not have been my penis.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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