Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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