My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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