I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
