i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize