literally had 100 drinks last night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
