do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
