Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
