What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
