I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
