Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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