So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
