At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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