Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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