Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
