Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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