I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
