Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think my vagina is haunted
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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