wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
