you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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