Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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