Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
