I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
