So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
