Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
