You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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