Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
