next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
