I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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