You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
