Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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