I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The air was thick with penises
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
