I'm gonna have a badass scar
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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