I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
