We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
