Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
