Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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