the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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