The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So squirting runs in the family.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
