you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize