I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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