just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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