I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just pee around me
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
