If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
