youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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