i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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